The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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