He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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