goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
