I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
