My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
