then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
