I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
