Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
