So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
