College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
