Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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