Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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