If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
