I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wat bout pragnant strippers??
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
