He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
