Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
