i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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