I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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