you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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