Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
