So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
