Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
