Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
