Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
