my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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