I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
