so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
