He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
