my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
