he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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