I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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