First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
