return my video game
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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