I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
