The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
