The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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