his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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