we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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