As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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