I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After last night, I could never be a politician.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
