I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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