I can tuck mytits in my pants
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Still dying that you shit outside
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
