I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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