that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
