I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
