There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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