you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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