i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
