I hate all girls vehemently.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
