You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
