Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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