covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
pray to the hookup gods
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
