Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
