I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
