just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
high people should be assigned attendants
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
