so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
