She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
