I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
