i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
