Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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