so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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