1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
