TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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