We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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