I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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