I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize