I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
