he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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