I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
