She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
