soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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