I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
50% drunk capacity currently
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
