i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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