I am puke
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
