But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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