You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
